Three Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

Imagine dating a guy for six months, and then one night, you make him dinner, recreating your first date so you can say “I love you” for the first time. Romantic, right?No.Because when you dress up as dessert, he tells you he’d rather be a party of one.So now, you’re crying in your whipped cream boobs, drinking a bottle of tequila, and debating on cutting bangs.Rock bottom, you say?Wrong, again.Not only does he break up with you, but he shows up to the vacation you’d planned with your friends. So now, here I sit...IN PARADISE..with DJ douchebag and his new girlfriend.Did I mention she doesn’t wear makeup and speaks three languages?Listen, I don’t want him back, but I also don’t want to look like the hot mess before to their perfect after.So desperate times call for a dirty distraction, a way to keep my mind off everything and maybe even serve up a little payback.And the universe says there’s only one way to do that...TJ and Nate.So, I guess that means there are actually three ways to mend a broken heart.