Hamartia

RaphaelWe met once two years ago - a few awful moments I’d rather forget - but he’s lived in my head ever since. Lee Jaehyun. K-pop idol and star of every filthy fantasy I have these days. I should be thinking about the fact we just won our first Grammy, I should be focussing on our next album. I should be planning my wedding. But I’m not; I’m thinking about him. About what his mouth might taste like and what that body might look like under those carefully curated clothes. About how he might feel in my arms and what my name might sound like from his mouth when he’s turned on. I’m not sure what this is; the near obsession I have with this guy, but it’s burrowed itself deep and refuses to give an inch. I’ll go insane if I can’t have him just once. Once to scratch the itch, douse the flames. Except it turns out once isn’t enough, and it’s not dousing the flames it’s striking a match and I’m about to blow my entire life up.JaehyunRaphael Scott is going to break my heart.He’s an American rockstar, engaged to be married, and straight. He’ll get tired of whatever this is soon enough. Then he’ll go back to his beautiful actress girlfriend and I’ll be alone again. I’m fine with that. But it doesn’t mean I won’t take what he’s offering me right now. His shining American smile, his beautiful open heart, the desperate kisses he presses into my skin. No, Raphael Scott won’t break me, nothing can. I’ve fortified myself against this sort of thing. My body, my art, all of it is armour. This soft American boy has no hope on earth of breaking it.